Story and photo by Faye Bayko
I’m getting tired of all this trash talk about men. I hear it in the movies. I hear it in coffeeshops. I hear it at family gatherings. It spills forth and contaminates.
To be clear, the MeToo movement hasn’t made women stronger, it’s just made them the new bullies on the block. It’s as if they haven’t learned anything from history and are determined to repeat it.
Maybe I’m sensitive to the abusive language because I grew up hearing it coming out of the mouths of men and witnessed the amout of time and effort that went into correcting that behaviour. Women now enjoy a level of freedom and respect unknown to previous generations. So why has it suddenly become okay for young women to replicate that same thug mentality? Not only has putting men down in public, including in front of our childen, become accepted, it’s become a form of entertainment. Do these women somehow think they’re demonstrating their strength, their intelligence? They’re not! It’s bullying in overdrive and it needs to be stopped.
I don’t want to hear another story of how a woman gave in to the demands of a casting couch (no matter the profession) then cried “Wolf” thirty years later. Unless there was a gun involved, or some other life-threatening situation, there was a decision made by those women: to lay down on the couch and get whatever reward was promised, or to not lay down on the couch and accept the loss of that particular reward. It all comes down to how confident each woman felt in their own abilities. The weak lay down. The strong walk out and find a life where they’re accepted for what’s between their ears rather than between their legs.
I want to hear stories of women standing up for themselves without feeling the need to put others down. The MeToo movement has exploded into a victimfest. It has created a generation of young women who feel the world owes them, that they no longer need to practice courtesy, politeness, maturity. They throw themselves on the ground, pounding their fists, screaming “I want! I want! I want!”.
Well, I want to hear from women who survived an attack and didn’t let themselves identify as a victim afterward, or allow the attack to keep them from enjoying the rest of their life. Unfortunately, we’re still struggling under the outdated belief that a woman’s only value is between her legs. When a women is attacked, society enforces the idea that she’s been somehow ruined and not expected to recover from the trauma. However, when a man is attacked, society enforces the idea that he’ll bounce back, that he will become stronger having gone through such an event. There are no hidden expectations that he will fail in this. In fact, he’s labeled weak if he’s seen as struggling with his recovery.
I want to hear from women who’ve found a good man and are cherishing him.
I want to hear from the women who are raising their sons with kindness and respect.
I want to hear from men who are being appreciated and encouraged by the women in their lives.
They’re the future.
Each of us, no matter how we identify, need to be allowed to find our feet and reach for our goals. I don’t care if we’re white, yellow, black or green with pink polka dots. We’re all human beings who deserve to be respected.
We need to learn from history, instead of ignoring it, and stop going around on these ridiculous abuse cycles. Victims do NOT have to become the new bullies. Victimhood is an attitude, not an excuse to inflict pain on others in the name of justice. Nor should it be seen as courageous. It takes no courage, or intelligence, to repeat a cycle of abuse. That’s a coward’s game.
In spite of the latest mantra, the future does NOT belong to women alone. The future belongs to all of us, in all our forms. And its through the acceptance of the humanness of being human that we will be able to pass on to the next generation a world that is free of abuse cycles.
